Term 4 Written Language

WALT write a character description of a person we know very well.

We know we have achieved this when we …

-    have written about the person’s physical appearance (the way they look).

-    have written about the person’s behaviour (how they speak or act).

-    have written about how they affect other people (what do they do to make you notice them).

-    have written about the person’s environment and belongings.

-    used descriptive words to make a picture in the mind of the reader

Dad by Mishca Craig

My dad’s name is Wayne. He is very funny and smiles a lot. He has brown skin, brown hair, blue eyes and he is 37. My dad works at a building site. He goes in old, black, work pants. He also goes in a greeny-yellowy top. He is very funny and makes up jokes. Dad also cares for me so he is very caring. He really cares for me. My dad is sometimes grumpy. The things that my dad finds really close, is family because we are close as we can be with him. He also makes sure that he is keeping us safe. His most precious people are my brother and me. He really cares for me. My dad’s books are his. (I don’t think he reads them.) His money is his (but sometimes he shares it.) My dad really loves me.

Feedback:

You have written a lovely description of your dad and have tried hard to use adjectives (describing words) and to include the things in the criteria.

Next steps:

1.    Re-read to edit as you have repeated yourself a couple of times.

2.   Perhaps using a simile or two would make the reader have a comparison of his size/shape etc.

Try to start sentences in different ways and change how long they are. Maybe joining some of them up e.g. My dad goes to work on a building site wearing old, black work pants and a greeny-yellowy top.